“Indian” Women’s Day…

I like women’s day and mothers’ day.

The reason is, that’s the time of the year when many women write about themselves and others; in newspapers, magazines, blogs etc.

I enjoy reading the stories they write about their achievements and sufferings. Some are really inspiring and some makes me sad.

For example, I had an opinion about the caesarean delivery.

After reading a blog about C- section last week, written by a girl who had a C-section delivery, those opinions disappeared.

Since childhood, I’ve been reading a lot of women’s magazines because those were the things my mom subscribed to. Dad was okay with one newspaper. He never really cared about anything else.

Most of my friends are women. I think I have got more women friends than my sister, wife and daughters do.

Right now at my house, there are four ladies- my wife, our daughters and my mother-in-law.

The person who influenced me the most was my grandmother. Second on that list would be my school teachers. I don’t want to write about the list of ex-girlfriends and how they influenced me and get myself into trouble, right now.

So my point is, I know a thing or two about ladies. Maybe, just the way a woman thinks she knows everything about guys. (Which I always felt that, they at time generalize and in the end, get it all wrong)

I love the idea of woman empowerment. I want women to do a better job than their male counterparts. I want all the women in India to work hard and earn well.

What is wrong in that?

I believe, anything a guy can do, a woman can do it better. I completely agree and support them.

At the same time, there are many things in India that contradict this empowerment theory.

At times, I feel some women use the empowerment theories according to their convenience.

For an argument sake, I must say that there are so many issues women conveniently avoid.

Like…….

Only in India, women expect a guy to earn more and be more qualified than her when it comes to marriage. What is wrong if she marries a guy who earns less than her?

Another thing I don’t understand is, why do they complain if their husband sits at home and writes or paints? Why do they have a problem when their husband tells them that he can look after the kids, cook food, wash cloth?

If a husband voluntarily offers to do all the household chores, these so-called empowered Indian wives say that it is the duty of a husband to look after and make a living to feed his wife and kids?

If men and women are equal, why does the law always favours woman?

What is the logic behind the rule that a guy gets five-year imprisonment and fine in case of adultery and the female partner in crime is allowed to let go without any punishment?

For a change, on woman’s day, why can’t they address the issue of nymphomaniacs in the society? It is a reality. How long can society close its eyes and say that a woman with a high sex drive is immoral or has a character?

Why is the law soft on violence committed by a woman? There are women who inflict physical and mental pain on guys. What about those cases? Who takes those cases seriously?

Why in most cases, their own kids, especially daughters prefer to go with their dad in case of separation or divorce? I know five cases where the daughters chose their dad when the court asked them with whom they wanted to go. There was one situation, long time ago in my house when I temporarily walked out of marriage and my daughter told me that she is coming with me. Why is it that way?

Then I read in many magazines and blogs, how to avoid a guy after one breaks up with him. Those suggestions were all really good. I only wished that the women in India could take it the same way a guy breaks up and start to avoid them because whenever I wanted to break up with someone, they always cursed me and called me enough names.

Several men have committed suicide as a result of heartbreak or some other emotional reason. Why do the police never register these cases against women on charges of abetment of suicide?

Recently I read a blog about the hardships a woman faced in her husband’s house. So many women commented on that post saying how beautifully she wrote and how they could relate to it.

I think I was the only man who wrote a comment on that. I wrote that the article was well written but the fault is with the girl who married a ‘boy’ instead of a real ‘man’. A real man will never allow his parents or relatives to interfere in their life. A real man would never run to his parents for a loan, advice or shelter.

I am talking about a well-educated woman here. Why can’t she just walk out of the marriage if her husband is not man enough to protect her from his parents and relatives?

Precisely 7 years ago a 32year old post graduate and software engineer told me that she is okay to stay in a loveless marriage when I asked why is she was complaining so much about her husband and in-laws.

If that is the case among educated, high-earning woman, then imagine the plight of women in our villages?

Once I told one of my very close relative to leave her husband if he is not treating her properly and with respect. To that, she told me that she is staying thinking about the future of her kids.

That is not acceptable because her kids don’t want to live with their father. She knows that too. So is it for kids or for her own convenience, she wants to stay in a bad relationship?

One other thing which is not really true is our tradition of over-romanticizing motherhood. It is not always true when we generalise and say all mothers are same or have the same qualities.

I believe in what Leo Tolstoy wrote…

“if it is true that there are as many minds as there are heads, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts.”

One interesting fact is, whenever I had an argument with women relating to these topics, they would say everything in future tense.

  1. e., no other girl should suffer in future. No other daughter should go through in future. Okay agreed, but for God sake, “why can’t the change start from you?”, I ask them.

And they always have a readymade answer… “My life got spoiled but no one else’s should”

Well, I am in no way challenging or criticising our culture, tradition or Indian women.

All I want to say is, one cannot generalize things. All women are not same!

There are natural calamities and man- made calamities in this world. Many problems can be solved if women really want to take a step and make changes in her lives, instead of waiting for a miracle to happen, which would change the mentality of others and they can live in peace and harmony.

I understand that each culture gets their set of rules and regulations which condition the citizens to suit their ways.

That reminds me of something that former President of Pakistan, Pervez Musharraf, told 10 years ago, “one cannot compare Indian democracy with Pakistan’s democracy”. He was right. There is a tradition and culture in Pakistan.

Concept of democracy is not same everywhere. “Democracy” in India is different from that in the United States of America. We can never enjoy the complete freedom like they enjoy in the US.

So, in the same way, our women are also conditioned by the culture and tradition to a large extent.

Some other facts which people brush under the carpet are….

There are educated women in India who fight with parents to give them more family share. There are educated women in India who tell their parents that they got a bad husband because the parents were not willing to give more dowry. There are women in India who blame others for their failures. There are women in India who show more love towards one of her kids. There are women in India who are afraid of change and scared to leave the comfort zone even if there is no love. There are women in India who murdered their own kids…

Hope someday, for a change, women writers will have the courage to write about all these issues too.

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