To my not so very dear Chicky,
There is something about you that really pisses me off. So I am warning you…..
Don’t talk about the past
Don’t talk about pop, jazz, rap or Indian music. Only rock music is great
Don’t talk about Kusoom Vadgama’s observations about Gandhiji’s behaviour
Don’t talk about any God man or God woman. Or else you will also get arrested like Kiku Sharda
Don’t talk about our church or Saints
Don’t talk about whether Vikram Sarabhai’s love affair with Kamala Chawhdry gave birth to IIM- A or not
Don’t talk about why females are not allowed entering some temples
Don’t talk about Ex- Girlfriends
Don’t talks about Sahara and Subrata Roy’s 3 new books
Don’t talk about depression
Don’t talk about homosexuality
Don’t talk about Nehru and Edwina Mountbatten
Don’t talk about sexual preferences
Don’t talk about the rulers of some Arab Kingdoms
Don’t talk about South Indian food with coconut in it
Don’t talk about Magazines. Talk only about best selling Novels
Don’t talk about long distance relationships
Don’t talk about Cupid
Don’t talk about Valentine’s Day
Don’t talk about your wife or daughters. Because I don’t care
Don’t talk about IT industry
Don’t talk about sufferings of Indian labourers in the Middle East.
Don’t talk about French Presidents live in partners
Don’t talk about glorified coolies and cheap labour
Don’t talk about King Solomon’s Song of Songs or about his 700 wives and 300 Concubines
Don’t talk about war crimes
Don’t talk about North Korea
Don’t talk about Mr. Rasputin or Mr. Putin
Don’t talk about Violin, Harmonium, and Tabla. Just talk about Guitars and how great they are!
Don’t talk about soap and shampoo. Just talk about natural things
Don’t talk about Homeopathic medicines because only Ayurvedic medicines are good
Don’t talk about the benefits coconut oil. Talk only about olive oil
Don’t talk about non-veg. Talk about vegetables….look, how many varieties are there for a vegan
Don’t talk about you without me because there is no life for you without me.
Is that CLEAR?
And now….. last but not least……
Don’t talk about my parents,relatives or about my leggings!
So Chicky, please avoid negative things. Try to be positive. Is that very difficult? Am I asking too much?
Talk about good things like King Solomon’s wisdom, or the benefits of being a vegan, or washing face with milk, or how great, beautiful and nice I am. Just look at my nails and hair… So nice right? You see, God must have had some purpose. Otherwise, why would he make me so beautiful?
Never take care and gently get lost
Wait. I want to tell you more …
Mister, Katrina left Ranbir. Ranbir is a Libra. I also know one Libra. He is at times unreliable, dishonest and indecisive. My fate. But Kat is like me. I read that newspaper interview. We value loyalty. We have got a shell to protect our body. No one can break that shell. You know? That is why some call us crabs. So what if we don’t know to walk forward? We go sideways. That is our style. Isn’t that cool? And we love our mothers.
Well, what is the point in talking to you about mothers? What do you know about mothers anyway? Have you ever given birth to a child? No right? You cannot. You are incapable and defective…..
Oh I forgot!! you know something…. Farhan Aktar is going to get a divorce! He is available!!! Wow! Awesome!
Go and read newspaper Mr. Chicky. You know, that retired Co-founder Sir of one ‘info’ something company wants India and US to work on an agreement to send 10,000 students to the US to do their Ph.D.’s in STEM (Ohoo…. not that stem you naughty @ 40 man….. this Stem is S T E M…. “Science, Technology, Engineering and Maths”. No no no. Still no one wants time wasting, eccentric and creative people like you. No help for you okay.. ). According to him, it would create a lot of innovative solutions that can solve problems across sectors in India! How great na? All our problems will be solved then. You will admire me more, price of Dal and onions would go down, cross-pollination will be faster, cows will give more milk, there will be a reduction in global warming.
And the rest of the things, like that silly Zika virus entering our system etc etc…. Dr. Sikka is there to take care of it. Cool na ?
You must do something like that, instead of wasting your time strumming guitar all the time. Heard of Shiva Mani? he makes millions by playing the flute. Oops! I mean Drums. Anyway, both are same na. Both makes some weird noise. You should have learned to play drums. Not guitar.
Uff……….I forgot the name of that company.What was the name? infomis or infodis ….I forgot. Why can’t they keep their companies name… infowine, infokis, Infosweet or something? So easy for people like me to remember. Right? But I remember reading the news that his son got divorced recently.
No… I don’t like his son. Not my type. Farhan Aktar is any day better. He is also single now.
Okay okay…. Bye bye…… remember my warnings and stay away from that stupid girl who sends SMS’s to you!
I hate you. Why are you encouraging all these things? You think you are still a teenager you old man?
Now, if you publish anything I wrote in this mail… I will kill you!
Forgot to tell you something else. My visa came. I am flying to Kunnamkulam and from there, to Czechoslovakia; tomorrow. Do you want me to bring a fridge magnet or some chocolates from there? Let me know. What else will you need anyway? Can’t you dream of something big? Don’t you feel like wearing nice clothes or having food at a nice restaurant or about buying a nice car? How long are you going to travel in a public transport bus and train? That too in second class and unreserved compartments? Chee…
Amazing! How can people be like this!
Bye! Get lost!
*Agharbah is a fictional country in Aladdin stories… 🙂