Fear is one thing which holds many from following their heart or to do what they love doing.
Fear of failure, fear of losing money or love or comforts, fear of being judged, fear of criticism, fear of the dark, fear of rejection, fear of what society or relatives think………
If Picasso and Raja Ravi Varma really cared about what others and family members would think, then they could have never created such wonderful paintings. Just an example…. because the other day I saw the report of Picasso painting which was sold for millions.
Watch CNN report… http://money.cnn.com/2015/05/11/luxury/picasso-auction-results/
The funny part is, as long as fear is there in others, motivational writers can make a lot of money. Each year many books on ‘how to reach your goals, how to achieve your dreams’ etc comes out. Many of them are best sellers too. Good for the writers.
One of my student, who is also a working professional bought a motivational book through Amazon. I have never heard about that book before but it seems to a best seller.
He plays guitar really well. If you ask me, I can surely say he can make it big with music because he is so good in western and Carnatic music.
He always tells me that he want to do something in music. Maybe start a business, selling musical instruments or something related to music. After telling me his dreams he told me he cannot because his mother and other family members won’t agree if he tells them he is going to resign his job.
His family is not depended on his income, he is not married, he got enough bank balance because he has been working for more than 8-9 years now. He has traveled around the world. Then what is stopping him? I really don’t think it is his family. I think it is his inner fear of failure which is stopping him. He is just taking family ties whatever as an excuse.
There is another friend of mine who writes. Once I asked him what is happening with his writing and he told there are some romantic content in it, so little scared how his family would take it.
There are parents who have told me about their kids, “let him complete his engineering first. Then let him do whatever he likes”.
Is that a right way? I think after engineering, a) to get somewhere in music it would take 3-4 years of hard work. b)If he got a job soon after engineering, then reaching somewhere in music is really tough (Not impossible though) because of lack of time to learn music, practice his instrument, go and ask someone to play in their band….list is long.
And if he did only music for 3-4 years after engineering and by chance failed (failed may not be right word, but you hope you understood what I meant) in fulfilling his dream, then starting all over again as an engineer is also tough because there are thousands of kids who are coming out of engineering college as engineers every year….right?
I have asked many people why can’t they take a break from work for 3-6 months and do whatever they feel like. Just learn to play any instruments they always wanted to or go to Himalaya’s or a dance class or maybe, write a book.
Last week one student told me his family would kick him out and would ask him to go to work if he stayed home to practice and play guitar leaving his job!
If that is the case if we just want to follow the crowd and please everyone, then why are we wasting money on buying the motivational book? Why are we wasting our time reading those book if we are not going to apply it in our daily life? Why did my that student order book through Amazon if he know that it is not possible to follow whatever is written in that book?
One day, an old friend mine called me and told he want to meet me after his work. His wife and kids have gone to their native place since his kids were having summer vacation.
He is a nice family guy. Very active in ChurchHe came to my place very late and we went to have dinner outside. Since it was so late we did not get what we wanted. So we had something very light. On the way back he told he feels like having an omelet.
Now at 11:30pm from where we will get omelet? We searched all over Koramangala and saw a small place where they are selling omelets and Dosa. He ordered the omelet and then suddenly he realized there are people staying in Koramangala who comes to his church and what would they think if they see him having omelet from the guy standing and making the omelet on the footpath?
Anyway, he had double omelet that day but kept telling me, “Hope no one sees me”
Then he took me to his flat. We spoke about old times, old class mates and our life. 25-27 years old things. Suddenly he remembered about an old friend of his. He knows she is in the US, but lost touch. So he opened his laptop and started searching Facebook, googled her name etc but couldn’t find her anywhere on the net.
While shutting down the laptop he kept asking me whether the history of the sites he visited be stored on his computer because his kids also at times use that laptop.
To have an omelet or to check the whereabouts of an old friend….for that also we have to worry thinking what others would think? Why can’t we tell our kids we had plenty of good friends from opposite sex also? What is wrong in that?
By the way, one other smart student who is also married told me there is an app on this laptop to erase the history. (I wish I could tell my old friend to install that app on his laptop J)
If we read the life history or watch movies based on their life, people who have done things which normal people couldn’t do, most of them gone through hardships and rejections and humiliations.
The difference is, for them the insults or criticisms are like an energy boosting tonic. They work more hard next time and stick to their dreams and goals. They don’t fear about anything. They just hang on to their dreams.
Last year I saw two good movies. Rang Rasiya and Mr. Turner. Both based on the life of great artists.
They never had a smooth ride. People have insulted them. So what?
Every parent wants their kids to have a smooth ride in their life and career. So we can’t really blame the parents. But kids should know what they want in life. They should have the courage to tell parents that, “this is what I want to do in life and these are my dreams “. If they have confidence in their ability, I don’t think any loving parent would stay in the way of their goals.
And if the kids don’t have that confidence or any dreams, others will choose a goal for them. But then, do not blame later on that saying “ I could have done that or I could have done this… but…….”
Now, If you have a dream and family or someone is not allowing you to follow your dreams, have the courage to say “Thank you so much for everything. It was nice knowing you all. I have to go. I can’t stay here anymore. Have a nice day”!
Initial sadness will be there. Emotional blackmailing from all places will be there. All that, temporary.
Actually, one will work hard to reach their goals faster if there is no one to support because then, we are fighting for survival and to reach the destination fast. We will be more focused because we know there is no safety net to save us if we fall.
I am writing all these from personal experience. I really thank my father for telling me that I will never make a living with music and for all the arguments we had over this when I was a teenager. That was a big motivator to work hard on my Guitar playing skills.
The thought of failing and going back to him and stay with him in his house motivated me to work hard.
I may not be a big star. Hardly anyone knows me, but hey, guitar takes care of my bills, guitar gave me a family with 2 beautiful kids, a chance to go abroad and work, gave me an opportunity to meet so many wonder people, students, their parents, their relatives, and friends……
And more than all these, last days of his life……( nearly 22 years after me going away from his house, last year this time) Dad told me that he is so confident about me that I will look after myself and only good things can happen in the future for me and he is not at all worried, thinking about my future.
I never felt any reduction in his love for me or my love towards him. We might have disagreed on many things but if I had stayed home, I would have been leading a life working for someone thinking, I could have don’t this or I could have done that and just because my Dad did not like my career choice, I am stuck in this job! I would have blamed my Dad for everything.
At least now I am happy and I saw the happiness in his eyes when he came to know I am doing alright in my career.
Now, coming back to my old friend. The question he asks me whenever I meet him is “Chicky, when can I see you on TV shows, playing guitar? ” . Well, that is a valid question.
At times, I feel bad when he asks me that. But by now, I am so used to that kind of questions .Again, that question is also a big motivating factor for to practice more. It helps. There will be times when we stray from the way to our goals. So questions like this help us get back on track. Cool.
Any creative person is asked these kinds of questions. They are compared to popular stars,famous artists, Sports persons, writers etc. That is fine. Just take it easy…..smile. Many don’t understand the happiness we feel inside when we play our favorite instruments or draw something or write a book or run a marathon.
Now, so many people might read all these including the people who I mentioned above, except my Dad because he is not here but I am sure he can read all these from up above. If I fear, I will not be able to write and share my experiences……
So friends , consider SETTLED in life, the moment you start doing things what you love and gives you happiness. Simple.
Do whatever you want to do. Don’t wait for the ‘right’ time or after getting ‘settled’ in life because it never really works that way.
I saw this written somewhere…..
“You won’t make any major breakthroughs unless you’re prepared to let go of the safe and familiar” and “If you don’t follow your dreams, you will be working for someone who is following their dreams”
For my Dad who is not here today to defend his views………
Thank you Dad, for showing me all the Major and Minor Chords. Thanks for all the music you used to play on your big AKAI Speakers and Nakamichi music system day and night. Thanks for helping me to hold F major Chord when I was struggling to learn it.
I have never heard anyone play like you so many songs so beautifully on guitar with just 3-4 chords….!
I remember you everyday, especially when students ask me to show them how to play ‘Sound of Silence’ or any Eagles, Dire Straits or Ritchie Blackmore songs!
I am making a living teaching the songs I heard from your collection and the chords you taught me…..
Why did you worry so much about my future?
Yes, I understand the fear you had when I wanted to take up the guitar as a profession. You have seen so many failures. But we both know how much I love Guitar and music. I just couldn’t leave it when you asked me to…
For some strange unknown reasons it was easy for me to say ‘no’ when you asked me to come back home. I am sorry, I loved you but I just couldn’t leave guitar from my heart.
I missed staying with you. I missed having dinner with you on that table, for 22 years. That was a price I had to pay for following my passion. But I am happy and I saw how happy you were thinking about me…… What else we need?
Our arguments helped me to erase my fear of failure and to just concentrate on my dreams……
I am what I am because of you. I could never deny that. I have got all your good and bad qualities. So hope you will understand why I was so Stubborn on my decision…
Hope we will meet again soon.
I know you are handsome and you can talk so well, but don’t have too much fun with angels!