One thing I wanted in life since I was a teenager, was to have kids and experience that feeling of fatherhood. I really don’t know how that thought came to my mind. Maybe that thought came because whenever I argued with my relatives, they used to say, “You will understand when you have your own kids!”
This “You will understand” is most commonly used dialogue in our family. They said I will understand how tough it is if I don’t study well. They said I will understand how tough it is to work and earn a living. They said I will understand once I get married. They said I will understand if I resign my job and return to India. They said I will understand what life is once I have a kid. Later one day, nine years ago, when I was arguing with my Dad, he told me “You have only one kid. I raised two”.
To be honest, after all, these years, I did not understand or experience anything negative like they said…. after having kids.
So, may be for me to understand how tough life will be, God gave me one more daughter. Still, I did not understand anything other than how great life is and how happy I am after having two daughters.
I want more kids. I can never say that kids changed me like I have to work harder now or I don’t have time for anything else, or that they made my life difficult.
I have never sacrificed my hobbies, passion or anything for them. They never interfered in my ‘ME’ time or disturbed me while I was practicing guitar or complained when I stayed away from home for work.
Whenever my students, who are married, complain about the lack of time to practice because of kids trouble and family responsibilities, I think about my kids and thank God thinking how blessed I am.
Maybe my kids knew from the beginning that I am not like others; a hands-on father. But when I am home for 3-4 days in 2 months, I cook for them, I hand wash my elder daughter’s uniform (I don’t trust our washing machine that much), I sing and dance with them, go for movies….etc.
They look forward to those 3-4 days. Yes, they do complain that I don’t visit them every month, but they understand how important my passion for music and teaching is for me. At times, they say the guitar is more important for me. Could be true because I tell them, guitar gave me a family and guitar helps me to pay the bills and sustain a family.
Though the advancement in technology and smartphones help us not to miss anyone, I understand I have to be near them.
Read somewhere that ‘any man can become a father. But it takes a lot more to become a Dad’.
Hmm…….did they not change me at all? Did I not ‘I understand’ anything after having kids?
YES, I did. Nowadays, I understand what ‘ unconditional love’ is and how love can soften a heart.
For example, last week, I had an argument with my elder daughter and I did hurt her with my words. I was not talking to her regularly and properly like I used to, over the phone or skype for one week.
But yesterday, it was father’s day and on her WhatsApp, she did put a picture of her and me, taken when she was 3, and wrote “My father, My love, My friend, My world”.
I was busy with classes and my life, but there she was trying to make me smile and be myself again.
I know…..I better become a dad soon because, after 2 more years, she is going to go away from home for higher studies and later, she will be busy with her life and family!
My younger daughter is very small. So that part is fine. I am sure she will find me spending more time with her and at home.
My regret is, why I did not become a father at 21! Then, in my case, I would have become a ‘Dad’ by 30. Instead of that, I became a father at 28 and only now, in my early 40’s, I am trying to become a Dad.
I admire all the Dad’s I meet and who are out there; not the fathers. There is a huge difference!